From: cultxpt@globalcrossing.net (Jeff Jacobsen)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: Join the HKK Pen Pal Club!
Date: 25 Jul 1995 03:57:40 GMT
Message-ID: <3v1q3k$h39@nnrp2.globalcrossing.net>

Dear a.r.s. Reader,

   Thank you for your inquiry into the Helena K. Kobrin Pen Pal Club.  
I'm sure your first questions is: what do I get if I join the HKKPPC?  

1) life-size photo of Helena target practising with a .45 pistol.
2) Instant SP4 status!
3) Kobrin brand clam-flavored lipstick!
4) an official RTC dagger letter-opener.
5) the Kobrin Frivolous Lawsuit Action Kit(tm)
6) an autographed copy of "How To Use Your Commodore 64"
7) free brake job from Garry Scarff

   Of course, now you're asking; what must I do to join?

1) HKK herself must personally invite you to join.  Her invitation will 
be cleverly diguised as a threat to sue you over copyright violations.  
Isn't this why we just love Helena?  Her sense of humor shines in 
everything she does!  Once you get your invitation, simply email her back 
thanking her profusely for inviting you to join her club!

2) Send $50 or more to the Dennis Erlich Defense Fund.

For more information, read alt.religion.scientology, or see;
http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/scientology/home.html


PLEASE REPOST THIS WHERE APPROPRIATE!!  Make Helena proud!

(disclaimer: for all the boneheads with their sense of humor ripped out 
by the Church of Scientology, this is a joke.  Thanks to the #clambake 
gang for the help.  No animals were harmed in testing the Kobrin brand 
lipstick)